A short letter to Victoria Beckham and the Duchess of Cambridge

Dear Victoria, and Kate (you don’t mind if I call you Kate, but Your Highness seems a bit of a mouthful),

I have some thoughts. I have these thoughts a lot, during my week. They start in the shower. They start when I get into the shower not with a bottle of luxury salt scrub and some moisturising body lotion, but with a bottle of Mr Muscle shower spray. I think about you two as I scrub the tiles with a flannel (sorry, children, but I’ve told you not to leave stuff lying around). I wonder if you ever treat yourself to a luxurious five minutes of cleaning followed by a refreshing hair wash with Sainsury’s tea tree shampoo because that’s the only thing that’s left because someone’s nicked all the nice stuff.

I wonder if you meet other parents in the supermarket, bending down to the bottom shelf of shame where the tea tree shampoo lives. Once (clearly when we didn’t have any tea tree shampoo) I went on a luxury cruise to South America for work. (One glorious week.) Anyway, I was at a meet and greet dinner thing and I noticed a small piece of something on my hair as I was about to meet the Jamaican ambassador. So I pulled it out of my fringe and realised it was waving at me. Does that ever happen to you?

Just wondered. I’m going to carry on writing now, and later today when someone asks why my hair is looking so shiny and soft and asks me what treatment I’ve used, I’ll say Hedrin. Maybe they’ll go into the hairdresser and ask for it.

Much love,

Rachael (yes, I probably should be writing my book.)



  1. This made me giggle.